Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
