Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
