Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
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