my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
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