she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
