i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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