Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
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