apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
I intend to get homeless drunk
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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