I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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