T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
