The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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