that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Randomize
