He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Randomize
