i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
