In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
