omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize