we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize