:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I stole a fireplace last night.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Why are your pants in the freezer?
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Randomize
