I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
