ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
