And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Randomize
