you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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