i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
