I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Randomize
