So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
