He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Randomize
