I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
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