My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize
