We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
