She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
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