i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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