and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
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Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
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Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
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