well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
