That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Randomize
