Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
