fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
