I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
we made out on top of his cat.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
