those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
