i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Randomize
