Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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