its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
