you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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