I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
