and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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