yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Randomize
