i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
