He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
We have so much sex to catch up on
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Randomize
