I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
