Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
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