i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize