well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
