Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I would ride that face into the sunset
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
