he was CRYING into my vagina
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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