The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Randomize
