I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
