im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Randomize
