yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
