Whod you bang
You're earring is so big in my mouth
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
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