Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Randomize
